Sunday, February 26, 2012

ADHD and Disrespect

Disrespect is tough to deal with and there's often no easy answer.

The first thing to realize is that most ADHD children have spent their lives being disrespected. They(we) have been constantly made wrong for simply being who we are. We've been taught by example to be disrespectful. This can be a very tough pattern to break.

The second thing is that many ADHD'ers are by nature, mis-matchers. Our way of working through issues is by seeing "the other side of the coin". This mis-matching can come across as arguing (i.e., disrespectful).

A third issue can simply be the ADHD need for stimulation. Simply agreeing with people does not create any stimulation. Disagreeing with people creates lots of stimulation.

A fourth issue is that many ADHD children spend every bit of energy and self control they can muster just to hold themsleves together for the 6 hours they are forced to spend in a classroom environment that is completely antagonistic to their needs. When they get to a safe place (home) and with safe people (family), they are able to let down their guard and express the anger and frustration they've been holding in all day.

I'll stop with one more common issue, that being, lack of consistent boundaries. If a boundary is absolutely, positively firm, there is nothing about which to argue. When a child, particularly an ADHD child "smells" that a boundary may not be completely solid, he MUST push and push and push until he finds the point at which that boundary will not move.

- While established habits are not easy to break, structuring a child's environment to provide at least 80% successes and no more than 20% challenge will create profound personality changes.
- Also, learning how to communicate effectively with your ADHD child and treat him with respect can create dramatic changes.
- Boundaries must be reasonable and rock-solid--immovable.

More on parenting your ADHD child at http://www.swish4fish.com/

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