Overcoming Addiction

A good first step to overcoming addiction is to release the neg. K and integrate parts. However, as almost everyone have also pointed out, there still seems to be a missing piece of the puzzle which is where the NLP model leaves off. The missing piece that that addiction is a psychological disorder, the source of which is how the personal processes information.

A basic presumption of NLP is that we all have the resources we need and that by removing the "blocks", then everything will be just fine. This is simply not the case with addicts. We are not the same as 'normal' folks.

It took me 48 years to see that the source of my addiction had little to do with emotions, eating habits, savoring my food, drivers, self love, etc. The source of addiction is how the addict processes information and perceives the world. The process must be changed to provide the 'relief' that the the addict is seeking.

Again, getting rid of the 'triggers' is a good beginning and will produce some positive results. However, as with other psychological disorders, ADHD, OCD, ASD, addiction cannot be fully addressed unless the underlying process is addressed. http://www.swish4fish.com

TV and video games like cocaine?

TV and video games are like cocaine to ASD children--Very addictive. given the opportunity, some ASD children (and adults) will be happy to replace all human interaction with TV and Video Games.

Several things contribute to this phenomena:
1) the Light Emitting Diodes that make up TV and Computer screens emit rather than reflect light. This is very different than the way we normally see (think of it as staring into a flashlight) and can have a stress-inducing effect on the nervous system.
2) The flicker of the screen also has a stress-inducing effect. Some epileptic children can be thrown into seizures by the flicker of a computer screen.
3) The average cartoon or children's program changes the screen every 0.8 to 1.5 seconds. This has the effect of making everything more exciting and, again, has a stress-inducing, attention-robbing effect on the ASD child.
4) Finally, in order to appeal to both adults and children, most children's programs contain adult languaging and adult references. These references can be extremely confusion or disconcerting to ASD children who are already often struggling with understanding social conventions.

My experience is that most ASD children will benefit greatly from limited (one hour a day) TV and Media up through the age of twelve.

While I may be convenient for parents to use the TV as a babysitter (even I do it on occasion), we, and our children, will likely pay a high price in the long run for excessive Media exposure.

I'm having trouble with Temple Grandin's mother

OK, I'm having mixed emotions about Temple Grandin's mother.

More and more I've been reading or hearing Temple Grandin's mother made her do this. Temple Grandin's mother made her do that. Temple Grandin's mother forced her to go here and there.

We need to remember that Temple Grandin's mother was VERY educated and Temple, herself has an extreemly high I.Q. She followed her instincts with Temple and paid very close attention to the results.

If she had blindly followed some personal agenda or someone else's advice, she could have just as easily drove her to suicide. As it was, in order to survive her mother's pushing, Temple, herself, came up with some fairly extreme coping mechanisms.

My point here is, EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT. Pushing them to utilize their abilities is one thing. Pushing them beyond their limits is simply cruel.

I recently heard, "The relationship with the therapist is more important than the therapist's intervention."

With convention cognitive therapy, I would completely agree with that statement. This requirement is but one of the limitations of conventional therapy and speaks directly to its ineffectiveness in cases like these.

My personal experience is that solutions to the issues we're discussing will not be found in any cognitive process. The root of these issues are the perceptions and processes which are generated in the unconscious mind. The thoughts, feelings and behaviors that result from these unconscious processes are like the caboose at the end of the train. It is the unconscious perceptions and processes that drive these thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

Trying to change someone's thoughts, feelings and behaviors without changing the underlying perceptions and processes is simply pulling on a rubber band. As soon as you let go, it will surely snap back to its original state, hence the overwhelming failure of well-meaning psychologists, psychiatrists, teachers and counselors to bring about any lasting change for these children, teens and adults.

I routinely work with children and teens who are openly distrustful and even hostile to their "enrollment" (under duress) into my program. My approach is not to work at the conscious or cognitive level with these children. Instead, I use a variety of techniques to act on the unconscious mind to bring about changes that the client, themselves, are not even aware of.

Similar to the way the brain learns to process the complex information necessary to ride, over a period of weeks or months, the clients perceptions gradually change and subsequently, so do their thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Because these changes are driven by the unconscious, they occur as feeling absolutely natural to the individual.

In essence, I agree with the concept of the statement with the proviso that the rapport and feeling of trust can occur at the unconscious level. With training and practice, this unconscious rapport can be established in as little as a few minutes.

Be aware and present to what is going on with our children

My recent trip to Disneyland, showed that most trips to Disneyland are not child led but adult driven.

An critical step in effective parenting is letting go of our own agenda--what our children should be, instead seeing them for who they are.

Unfortunately good intentions, even good parenting is not enough with the children we're discussing here. While I would not attempt to adequately describe even one of those three types in this space, suffice to say they/we (myself included) are very different than 'normal' folks. We experience the world differently. I was one of these kids and now I work with them every day.

As an identifiable group, we make up 15%-20% of the children today--that's millions of children in the US, alone. Out of the millions, only a small percentage turn violent. Research show that as many as half of these children will manage to find a niche in society that allows them to be relatively successful. Many find their actions driven by fear rather than anger. Many others self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. And a fair percentage give up on the idea of succeeding or fitting in with society and wind up in our courts and jails.

Identifying, understanding and helping these children takes more than good intentions. It takes education and experience. Many of my parents are shocked at the accuracy with which I can describe the struggles their children are having and the struggles that they are having with their children with just a bit of information or a short evaluation. Every often the children are shocked. I recall one very troubled girl turning the her mother saying, "How does he know what's inside my head?"

Dr. Sears, T. Berry Brazelton and many other child specialists are awesome in their advice to parents of 'normal' children. But these children(we) are not normal. Normal parenting books don't apply. Any most of the books and advice that I've read for parenting the ADHD child, the Defiant Child and so on, are for the most part, nonsense.

They seen to be written by well-meaning folks who want to help parents or teachers or counselors turn these other children into normal children. They want to help us think, learn and act like normal children. In my experience it's not going to happen.

Probably the biggest difference between the work I do with children and the work of others is I don't make them wrong for who they are. I'm not trying to change them or help them be like the other kids. I don't compare them to 'normal' kids. I simply try to understand them and appreciate them for who they are. I help them develop their natural gifts to support them in their goals--their agenda. I help them believe in themselves.

BTW - this group of children--the same group of children that are at risk--these are the children that ultimately shape our world (for good or ill). These children are the creative, often driven, outside-the-box thinkers, who defy convention, defy 'what is' in pursuit of that which does not yet exist. They(we) are not deterred by social conventions nor are we constrained by current memes. We exist at the boundary of chaos--when new ideas and new possibilities are born.

For many Children, Negative Emotions are like Blood to a Shark

As parents, we all experience negative emotions--anger, frustration, disappointment--from time to time. It’s absolutely normal and healthy. And it’s probably important for our children to see that we are human and can express our emotions in a healthy way.

But for many children, negative emotions are like blood to a shark. In a way it makes sense. Just about any psychologist can tell you that underneath all negative emotions is fear. And we all know that if you can elicit fear from an “adversary”, you gain a distinct advantage.

I suspect that children understand this on an instinctual level. They learn very quickly how to elicit negative emotions from one or both parents and, as many parents have noticed, will quite often pass up the opportunity to receive a positive emotional response in favor of a negative emotional response.

So, what happens when a child learns that he or she can elicit negative emotions from one or both parents? What can we do as parents? How can we keep our children from making us jump through these emotional hoops?

The short answer is let go of negative emotions. Get therapy, practice yoga, scream into a pillow, do whatever you need to do release negative emotions in a way that is NOT in front of your child. Whatever your child does, remain calm and cool-headed. Remember, when you show anger or frustration, what your child sees is FEAR. In that moment, he or she will instinctively know that he or she has gained the upper hand.
Once this pattern is established, it can be very, very, very tough to break. It will take time and persistence to regain cooperation and trust—trust that you as the parent are in control. The child may continue to push those buttons for some time and may even take more extreme measures to elicit those old emotions.

The best advice I can offer is to not take things too seriously. Try to find the humor in whatever is happening. Keep those boundaries realistic and firm. And always follow through with logical/reasonable consequences when necessary. Sometimes a bit of professional coaching can help to improve communication and "break the cycle" of negative emotions. In just about any circumstance, it’s hard to beat love and affection.

ADHD and Disrespect

Disrespect is tough to deal with and there's often no easy answer.

The first thing to realize is that most ADHD children have spent their lives being disrespected. They(we) have been constantly made wrong for simply being who we are. We've been taught by example to be disrespectful. This can be a very tough pattern to break.

The second thing is that many ADHD'ers are by nature, mis-matchers. Our way of working through issues is by seeing "the other side of the coin". This mis-matching can come across as arguing (i.e., disrespectful).

A third issue can simply be the ADHD need for stimulation. Simply agreeing with people does not create any stimulation. Disagreeing with people creates lots of stimulation.

A fourth issue is that many ADHD children spend every bit of energy and self control they can muster just to hold themsleves together for the 6 hours they are forced to spend in a classroom environment that is completely antagonistic to their needs. When they get to a safe place (home) and with safe people (family), they are able to let down their guard and express the anger and frustration they've been holding in all day.

I'll stop with one more common issue, that being, lack of consistent boundaries. If a boundary is absolutely, positively firm, there is nothing about which to argue. When a child, particularly an ADHD child "smells" that a boundary may not be completely solid, he MUST push and push and push until he finds the point at which that boundary will not move.

- While established habits are not easy to break, structuring a child's environment to provide at least 80% successes and no more than 20% challenge will create profound personality changes.
- Also, learning how to communicate effectively with your ADHD child and treat him with respect can create dramatic changes.
- Boundaries must be reasonable and rock-solid--immovable.

More on parenting your ADHD child at http://www.swish4fish.com/

Disneyland: the most stressful place on earth?

It’s been 7 years that I’ve been helping children, teens and adults in overcoming the effects of ADHD and Autistic Spectrum Disorders—7 years since I’ve come to grips with my own struggle with ADHD. So when the wife, daughter and I arrived at Disneyland, I was happy, excited and totally expecting to have a good time. We went through the gates, walked up main street, headed for the magic kingdom. It was amazing--watching the parade, seeing the world of Disney through the eyes of our 4-year-old daughter. We were having a wonderful time.

However, after about 4 hours, something began to happen--something I was not expecting and something I'd not really experienced in a number of years.
As we weaved in an out of the crowds, I became more and more uncomfortable. My posture shifted to one that was braced for impact. My chin dropped slightly. My lips ever so slightly pursed. My eyes continuously scanning the crowd. At the time I was unaware that my unconscious mind had become more and more alert to the subtle signs of stress and anxiety among the other patrons. By closing time, even my wife noticed that I seemed to be in a world of my own and my walk had an unmistakable swagger. On a scale of 1 to 10, my hyper-alertness was about a 9.5.

The next morning I was acutely aware of my stress level as well as some very old stress-related behaviors that I had not experienced in several years. Most notably among them was unconsciously tracking my footsteps to avoid cracks and breaks in the paving as well as the myriad of invisible lines created by the corners of wall, doors, columns, furniture, and other architectural features.

If I may just to the end, I was able to walk myself through a short series of physical and mental exercises to restore myself to a relatively relaxed and focused state that was much more conducive to an enjoyable day at Disneyland.

My reason for relating this experience is that anyone, particularly children, with the physical and emotional sensitivities common to ADHD and other ASD’s, is likely to be vulnerable to this type of response to large crowds or stimulating events. (Some of you may recall my experience of becoming overwhelmed during the first game of the 2010 world series.)

It was only the result of my intimate understanding of ADHD and my extensive training in techniques to overcome the effects of ADHD that enabled me to first, become aware of my stress response and over-stimulation, and second, have the tools to do something about it.

Your typical ADHD or ASD child will have no such awareness or tools at his disposal. As his nervous system becomes more and more overloaded by the conflicting sea of emotions and unconscious sensations, he will most than likely feel more and more anxious and dissociated until, ultimately, he releases his anxiety upon whomever he feels is safe to deliver his wrath.

As parents, it is up to us to see beyond how we think our children “should” feel or should respond to a given situation and be present to how they are actually responding. As parents of ADHD or ASD children, we must be even more vigilant to those situations that will overstimulate or over-stress our children. For more information and parent training programs, visit http://www.swish4fish.com

The Animal School

Once upon a time, all the animals got together and decided that they must do something to prepare their young to face the challenges of the world, and so they organized a school. They adopted a curriculum of running, climbing, swimming and flying. And to make sure all animals were competent in all of the important skills, all the animal children had to take all of the subjects.

Duck was an excellent swimmer, better in fact than his instructor, and made passing grades in flying, but he was very poor in running. Because he was slow in running, he had to stay after school and also spend less time swimming, in order to spend more time practicing his running. This was continued until his webbed feet were badly worn and he was only average in swimming. But, average was acceptable in the new animal school, so nobody worried about that except the Duck.

Rabbit started at the top of her class in running, but later she had a nervous breakdown because of so much make-up work in swimming.

Squirrel was excellent in climbing until he developed frustration in flying class, where his teacher made him start from down on the ground instead of from up in the treetops. His feelings of frustration spilled over into all his other classes and he ended up with a C in climbing and a D in running.

The newest student in the school was a strange animal called the Snakehead fish. He was very different from the other animals and often felt out of place.

At first he struggled and was behind in almost every subject. But by the end of the year the Snakehead fish, which could swim well and climb trees and also walk on land, was the number one student in the entire school and was voted valedictorian of his class.

EMOTIONS: Past and Present

It is important to distinguish between three types of anger/emotions: the first is an anger/emotion resulting from a current experience; the second is an anger/emotion resulting from the re-stimulation of a past event; while the third is an anger/emotion resulting from the sudden release of anger which has been repressed from previous emotional events.

The first type of anger is generally correlated to the immediate circumstances (or to one's perception of the circumstances). When this type of Emotional Fire Alarm sounds, it is typically appropriate to the current circumstances and often useful in navigating (surviving) the situation.

The second type of anger is often less useful and possibly detrimental to the effectiveness of the individual as it is often not related to the current circumstances. In addition to the anger itself, the re-stimulation typically brings with it a behavior which, while it may have been completely appropriate to the past event, is most likely less appropriate to the current circumstances.

Lastly, the third type of anger/emotion is the least useful. It is the most dangerous and potentially destructive type of anger/emotion. Because it is the result of unreleased (suppressed) emotion, it is typically released at explosive and sometimes uncontrollable levels. It is rarely if ever appropriate or useful to the current circumstances.

IMHO, "Venting" anger may be an indication of either type two or three anger. Flying into a full on rage because your pen ran out of ink may be a warning of some significant unresolved issues.

Who am I?

It was said that Bodhidarma (the first Patriarch of Zen) sat facing a wall for nine years listening to the ants scream. A Seeker came to Bodhidarma and begged that Bodhidarma give him peace for his soul. Finally, as a token of his sincerity, the man cut off his right arm and presented it to Bodhidarma as a token of his sincerity.

Bodhidarma said to the Seeker, “If you want peace of Soul, you must bring me your soul.”

To which the man replied, “That’s the problem. I cannot find my soul, much less bring it to you.”

“Then you see,” said Bodhidarma, “I have given you peace of soul.”

If the “I”, the “I am”, is not simply a noun, but is, in fact, a verb, if the “I am” does not exist as an “is” but as a being, then the answer to the question, “Who am I?” is simply snapshot in time, a retrospective look at who I was being at a given moment—a moment, however recent, from my past.

If the “I am” is an expression of being, then any answer to the question, “Who am I?” is, in reality, an answer to the question, “Who was I being?”. As Heidegger wrote, “Diesin (man as being) understands itself as its possibility to be or not to be itself.”

If the “I am” is an expression of being, then the more appropriate or empowering questions for us to ask ourselves may be, "Who am I being?" or “Who am I becoming?” or “Who am I as possibility?”

Is your child a mismatcher?

Parents, does your child love to disagree with just about anything you say? If you say it's black, does he say, "White"? If you say, "Day", does he say, "Night"? It could be your child is a mis-matcher.

As a group, mis-matchers may be the most misunderstood children. Even in their own family, they may be branded as defiant, rebellious or insolent. One mom brought her child to me and introduced him to me as, "My little monster." Their propensity for disagreement can stretch the patience of any same parent. In short, parenting a mis-matcher can be frustrating and challenging.

If you think your child may be a mis-matcher, try giving this simple test to your child.

Take three quarters and arranged them on a table to form a small triangle (about 3" high") with two of the quarters showing the 'heads' side up and one of the quarters showing the 'tails' side up.

Ask your child this question: "Look at the three quarters and tell me what you notice about the relationship between these quarters?" Listen carefully to his initial response. His initial response will likely take one of two forms.

Response #1: He will first notice a Similarity between the quarters, i.e., ALL the quarters from a triangle, or they are ALL quarters. Or

Response #2: He will first notice a DIFFERENCE between the quarters, i.e., ONE quarter is tails and TWO are heads, or two quarters are in a line and the other is not.

If your child gives response #2, he may be a mis-matcher.

You can repeat this test by drawing three similar rectangles, in the configuration below.

Again, ask your child this question: "Look at the drawing and tell me what you notice about the relationship between the rectangles?" Listen carefully to his initial response and pay particular attention to the first and second answers.

Again, if your child first notices how the rectangles are different, i.e., one is vertical and two are horizontal, he may be a mis-matcher.

The first thing to remember is that your child's mis-matching IS NOT ABOUT YOU. Mis-matching is simply a mental program, a strategy, a way of dealing with or processing information. It's not personal.

While it is important not to reward the mismatching strategy, it is also important not to punish the child for a very natural thought process that is beyond his understanding and control.

Something I find helpful in facilitating communication with a mis-matcher is to ask him for HIS ideas on a given subject. When done correctly, the subject, i.e., going to the grocery store, becomes a presupposition to the conversation and the focus is not whether or not we're going to the store. Going to the grocery store is like a fact--it's a given.

The conversation becomes about HOW we're going to the grocery store? What are the possibilities for going to the grocery store? Or what might we do AFTER we go to the grocery store?

It is almost never a good idea to argue with the mis-matcher. The argument will almost always be about the "how", "what", or "when" to do something. If you can, instead, convey the intention or need behind the how/what/when, you can offer the mis-matcher the chance to participate in the conversation by offering his own possibilities (positive contribution) as opposed to negating whatever you say.

Again, the most important thing to remember is that the mis-matching strategy is not personal. It's not defiance. It's not an attempt to undermine your parenting authority. It is simply a way of processing information. Remember: "Driving every behavior is a positive intention."

There are Four Communication Styles (and they're not what you think).

Anyone involved with communication or education has had the 3 communication styles drilled into them--Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. We routinely talk about people being visual or auditory thinkers.

While this model has proven helpful in some areas of communication, it is at best, an over-simplification of a complex process and with respect to education (a critical aspect of communication). Research now shows that the Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic model of teaching/learning to be completely ineffective and in many cases has actually impeded effective learning for many children and adults.

After spending the last six years deconstructing how children communicate, learn and process information, the model of learning and communication that I have identified more closely resembles the four Greek Temperents: Choleric, Sanguine, Melancholic and Phlegmatic.

The model is based on two sets of opposing thought processes: Visual vs. Auditory and Logical vs. Kinesthetic. Each set can be though of as a continuum or spectrum from one extreme to another. It should be noted that we, as human beings are a collection of all four processes, however far we may lean to one side of the spectrum.

So the four "new" communication or learning styles are: Visual-Kinsethetic (Sanguine), Visual-Logical (Choleric), Auditory-Kinesthetic (Melancholic), and Auditory-Logical (Phlegmatic). See image.

For fun and clarity, I've also correlated these four communication/learning styles to the four main characters in Winnie the Pooh. The Choleric is Rabbit. The Sanguine is, of course, Tigger. The Melancholic is Eeyore. And the thoughtful Phlegmatic is Pooh. Lastly, for those familiar with the Meyers-Briggs meta-programs, I have included their approximate location in the model as well.

For help with communication and learning, visit our web site, http://www.swish4fish.com

Why Public Schools are Failing

One the fundamental presuppositions of our current educational system is that key to educating a heterogeneous population is to 'improve' (modify) the curriculum and/or teaching methods to presumably include as many children as possible.

IMHO, this is a false presumption and our current 'institutional' model of educating our children is outdated and obsolete. It is based on a one-size-fits-all, assembly line technology that was developed to enable factories to mass-produce cars, dishwashers and hamburgers in a cost-effective manner.

The first problem with this model is that Children are not one-size-fits-all. And as we place more and more academic demands on our children presumably to compete effectively in a post-industrial economy, the more children fail to succeed in this on-size-fits-all institutional model.

The second problem with the model is that the teaching model is no longer cost effective. The time, energy and money required to remediate, accommodate and otherwise ameliorate the ever-increasing academic struggles and failings of our current student population (not to mention the social cost of these failing students) is growing at a staggering rate (more that 24% of K-12 students are experiencing significant struggles in one or more areas.

If we are to move forward and deliver to our children the education that they need to succeed in the 21st century, post-industrial age, we must get the focus off the institution, and back on to the children--not as members of a group , but as unique individuals. We must acknowledge or at least consider that unless each individual child is taught to learn effectively using his or her unique combination of skills and abilities, he (or she) will never live up to his (or her) potential. Any future success will subsequently be limited.


Therefore, unless we are willing to consider a radical change and a fundamental shift in our presuppositions about what education and learning is, our educational system will, according to the current trend, continue to fail even more and more children.

What can be done? IMHO, it is not the teachers who need more skills to teach. It is the children who need the skills to learn. If the answer is so easy and obvious, then why aren't we doing this already?

I think one answer is simply that the nature of any organization or institution is to survive and grow. In our culture, that means more clients, bigger budgets and lower costs. In our institution of public education, that means more students, larger classrooms and problems that only licensed (unionized) teachers can solve.

Consider, what would happen to our schools if students could receive the same or better education by first 'learning to learn' using their natural gifts, and second, receiving individualized instruction at home and via the internet?

There is already a great deal of evidence to suggest that many students will assimilate the same information in one-half to one-quarter of the time given the skills to learn and an individualized, self-paced online curriculum.

If this model were to grow, these huge institutions called schools would no longer be needed. The teachers and administrators who 'run the factory' would be no more needed than an auto worker in Flint, Michigan (a nod to Roger More). All the publishers of the ever-changing text books would also no longer be needed.

I'm not suggesting that every parent pull their child from public school. But I am suggesting that armed with a set of 'Essential Learning Skills', virtually any child can succeed in any school, with any teacher and any curriculum.

At the NLC, we offer parents and children the opportunity to acquire those 16 Essential Learning Skills in as little as 14 days. Visit us at http://www.swish4fish.com and download our free booklet on Understanding Learning styles and Strategies.

Business Management, Tennis and Parenting

Ask a mediocre or mid-level manager what professional coaching they've received and you're likely to get a blank stare. However, talk to any self-respecting, high-powered, top-performing business executive and ask THEM what training they've done and the odds are they will give you a list of personal and professional coaching that they've received.

Similarly, if you're goal is to be a mediocre tennis player at the club level, you might be inclined to get coaching on a monthly or weekly basis. But if you're goal is to compete at the national or international level, you're looking at daily coaching. The more you want to raise your level of play, the more coaching you need. It is simply the cost of doing business.

Now, if you're goal is to simply get by as a mediocre parent, probably using your own parents or your own childhood as reference, there's really no need to receive coaching. Just wing it and do your best.

However, if your goal is to be a great parent, if you want to raise the level of your parenting, then the answer is coaching. Yes, you can read books, talk to friends, get lots of free advice on Facebook or Twitter. But the surest way to cut through the nonsense and confusion and get the right answers at the right time is to get professional coaching.

There is simply no substitute for professional coaching from someone who is specially trained; someone who has "been there, done that"; someone who can look at your issues from outside the problem, as an objective observer; someone who will often have the answers before you even ask the question.

There are very few qualifications to be a parent. And in most cases, it doesn't take that much even to be a good parent. But to be a GREAT PARENT...

Are you teaching your child to ignore you?

Many parents tell me how many times they have to repeat themselves before they can get their kids to do what they're asking. This is not healthy and could even be dangerous.

As parents, we are responsible to teach our child and keep him or her safe. We can do neither effectively if the child simply ignores us. So what can be done?

First, we must realize that our child may have a very different way of processing information. This means that we, as the parents, must find a more effective way to communicate.

Second, we should never have to repeat the same request or directive more than twice.

Our first communication should include getting the child's attention along with a clear, concise statement of the task using the communication style of the child. There should be a reasonable time frame to allow the child to transition to the new task (usually 2 minutes).

Our second communication should also include getting the child's attention, a clear restatement of the task AND the addition of the 'threat' of consequences. (Consequences, should be reasonable and appropriate.)

Finally, if the task is not begun and accomplished in the reasonable time frame, it is time to take the child and gently assist them in completing the task. At this point, the consequences must apply.

Obviously, this is just an overview. There are many variations and important subtleties to this method, including, getting to know and appreciating our child's natural communication style.

When implemented with consistency, this method should help reduce a pattern of not listening.

Oh, BTW, if you have a child who is a visually creative, outside-the-box, thinker, its almost never helpful to say, "Did you hear what I said?" or "Are you listening to me?" Try, instead to speak in short (15 second max) bursts, asking for one specific answer or task at a time, while using phrases like, "Is that clear to you?" or "Can you SEE what I'm saying?"

ADHD and Homework

It seems like everyday I hear another complaint about homework. Parents asking the questiingon, "Why does my child have so much homework?" "Is all this necessary?"

The short answer is, "No, it's not necessary and it may very well be doing more harm than good." If your child has fallen behind, you need a strategy for helping them to catch up--not to simply keep treading water or worse, fall further behind while you as the parent, sit for hours, night after night, do most of your child's homework for him.

I think most teachers are well-meaning, though I see exceptions everyday. Whatever their intention, simply piling on the homework with the presumption that sooner or later the child will get it, is simply ridiculous.

Parents, once a child has fallen behind, the chances of them magically catching up are slim to none. It's just not going to happen and simply pushing them harder and harder can only lead to frustration, anger and, ultimately, resignation. And trust me, it's a tough road back from a town called, Resigantion.

If your child has been struggling for more than 6 weeks or has fallen behind to the point where they are simply not getting the current lessons, STOP!!!

Don't keep going down the same path while hoping for something to change. Stop and get help. Get tutoring, have your child evaluated, call for an(other) IEP meeting with your school (put it in writing). Take action to see that your child is given the support he needs to succeed.