Holidays and ASD

For me, much of the Holidays was driving (being dragged) here and there to visit with strange relatives I rarely saw the rest of the year. Some of my older relatives only spoke German and we couldn't even talk to each other. It was smiles and uncomfortable hugs. I never really knew why I was there or what was expected of me. Even when I was older and did try to fit in and participate in the seasonal customs, my attempts were often clumsy or inappropriate.


At 16, when my parents got divorced and I, along with my alcoholic father were estranged from the rest of the family, there was actually a strange sense of sadness and relief that I had not even considered until this very moment--the relief that all those family gatherings were over and sadness that my chance to experience being part of a family had expired.

Resistance IS a communication

When a child resist going to school, washing the dishes, feeding the dog, etc. they are offering an important and valuable communication. Does that mean that we, as parents, simply accept the resistance at face value? Or do we simply ignore the resistance and "push on"?

Personally, I don't think there is a pat answer. But if we accept the presumption that driving every behavior is a positive intention and we separate the behavior from the intention, we open the door to a new level of communication and new possibilities that go beyond merely reacting to the behavior.

One intention I often see driving resistance is the desire to succeed. Many children can smell failure a mile a way and will resist activities that they believe will or may lead to failure. Again, no pat answer, but if we look beyond the behavior, we may see new possibilities.

One important component is understanding the child's communication style. Is he visual-kinesthetic, visual-logical, auditory-kinesthetic or auditory-Logical?

Children with different communication styles can respond very differently to similar situations. While children who tend to process information logically or auditorally may be able to articulate their concerns, children who tend to process information visually or kinesthetically may operate on a more intuitive level of thought and may have trouble articulating the intention driving their behavior. They may also react to situations faster and with a greater intensity.