children who want to be in control

Some children and adults (particularly Cholerics) need to think that whatever they are going to do is THEIR idea. A technique we've used is to paint the child a picture of what's going to be happening (with parameters or conditions) and then ask the child for IDEAS about how to meet those conditions. It is often more palatable to have an IDEA rejected than it is to be told what to do. Keep fishing for ideas till you get the one you want. [This process is akin to the Socratic method of teaching and really matches with the Choleric learning and communication style.] What will please her is for her to THINK she is in control. With a bit of practice, this technique allows the parent to be in control by managing the conversation and at the same time provide the child with a degree of freedom and control (within the boundaries set by the parent). Hope that helps...